14

April 13, 2021

Dear Kip,

Happy Birthday!  I know it is cliché to say, but I am going to say it anyway.  The last year has gone by so quickly, in the blink of an eye!  Just think, one year ago I hadn’t even known you for two months when your birthday rolled around, but I knew you were my forever love.  We were in a worldwide pandemic and lockdown, so I didn’t buy you a birthday present.  (Besides, what do you buy for the man who already has a sousaphone and prosthetic leg?)  Instead, I gave you a promise that I would love you forever by giving you my Grandma Margaret’s potato ricer (super romantic, I know).  Today, I’m going to renew that promise to you, but instead of giving you another antique kitchen utensil, I am going to ask you to write a Bucket List with me.  A Bucket List of dreams and promises for us to complete together, you and me, for the rest of our lives.  You in?

I’ll start…Get a puppy.  

Love you always,

Brandy Lynne

13

February 19, 2021

Dear Kip,

One week prior to February 19, 2020, I was frustrated with online dating and giving up on the hope of meeting someone to spend my life with, to love forever.  Three weeks after February 19, 2020, the world entered into a year of stay at home orders, quarantine, teaching and working from home, mask mandates, overloaded hospitals, loss of loved ones, racial protests, dipping oil prices, job loss, and lack of respect in the government.  In 2020, the world lost its sense of normalcy; but in 2020, I met you and found my forever.

Can you believe that it was precisely one year ago today that we met?  We spent way too much of the day texting, and by the afternoon, I was so captivated by you that I knew I needed to meet you.  I had to put a face and voice to the words in my inbox.  You agreed, and after my kids fell asleep, I snuck out to your pick-up, and we talked and talked...and now here we are today.

As I have been anticipating our one-year mark, I’m not going to lie; I have been daydreaming quite a bit about marrying you.  Maybe it’s because of the new year?  Maybe it’s because you are making so much progress on the house remodel?  Maybe it’s because you made my heart skip a beat when you gave me a ring at Christmas! Whatever it is, marriage has been on my brain.  And with marriage on the brain, I have been thinking about my name.  Brandy Lynne Spitzer-Tjelde. 

Seventeen years ago, I had no intention of changing my last name. I was a Spitzer, and that meant something to me. Not only was I very proud of my Spitzer heritage, but I was also a wee bit of a liberal feminist and wondered why in the world any woman would want to change her name. So rather than completely changing my name, I compromised, and I have officially been Brandy Lynne Spitzer-Tjelde since 2004.

Now, here we are in 2021, and as I daydream about marrying you, I am again contemplating what to do with my name.  (I know that we aren’t even engaged, but I am a planner, and having a plan for my name is important to me.  I do not want to make a rushed decision.)  So, should I stay Brandy Spitzer-Tjelde?  Or should I change to Brandy Spitzer?  Maybe Brandy Spitzer-Hurley?  Brandy Tjelde-Hurley?  Brandy Hurley?

Here is the thing that I know for sure right now, I am who I am, no matter what my name is. I am me, Brandy Lynne.  I am a teacher, a daughter, and a friend. Most importantly, I am Jeffrey and Macy’s mama and I am your partner forever. 

Love you always,

Brandy Lynne...

12

February 14, 2021

Dear Kip,

It’s Valentine’s Day and what better to write about than love. 

When I was young, my Sammy Gayle used to tease me that I had to fall in and out of 100 times before I could get married and she teased me that I was on my way.  I may not have fallen in love 100 times, but I have fallen in love a few times.  Each of those has given me a gift and has taught me something different about love.  But it is you, Kip, that has given me the greatest gift of all.  You have given me the gift of true love.  You have given me patience and passion.  Quality time, thoughtfulness, and joy.  A home to fill with our big, blended family. Unconditional love that fills my heart with peace and security.  There will never be enough words to thank you for all you have given me in the last year. 

I hope that you know how lucky and grateful I am to have met you, to have fallen in love with you.  In return, here is what I will promise you.  I promise that I will never take you for granted and I will love you more with each passing day.  I promise that I will love forever and unconditionally, and that you will be my greatest love story.  You may not have been my first love, but you will be my last.  This is promise you. 

Love you always,

Brandy Lynne

11

Dear Kip,

I love the holiday season.  The traditions:  making lefse, hanging Christmas ornaments, elementary music programs, Christmas Eve church service, and opening presents on Christmas morning. The food:  cookies, pudhea, and potato sausage.  The lights: driving around to look at lights in Bismarck, the lights of the Christmas tree in the evenings, and the candlelight at church on Christmas Eve.  The music:  all of the music!

What I love most of all, though, is making memories with family.  Whether it was Christmas Eve in Wilton with my dad's family or Christmas morning in Arizona with my mom's family, I enjoyed being surrounded by family.  I looked back on those times as inspiration to help create similar memories for my kids.  On Christmas morning, it didn't matter if we were in Minneapolis for a Vikings game, in Bozeman getting ready to go skiing, or at home just relaxing, it was important that we were together and sharing time with family.

After my divorce, I was scared to spend a Christmas morning alone.  I know that you feel that you can make any day a holiday and it does not matter when you celebrate…and I agree with you, but I was scared to be without family on Christmas morning.  And now that you and I have found each other, I know that will never happen.  You have given me a big bonus family that I love and adore, and it will be a joy to share Christmas mornings with them.  And I already look forward to the Christmases future in which we will have no idea who will be where and when.  As much as I feel a sense of security in having a plan, as long as I get to wake up next to you on Christmas morning, I will be happy. 

I look forward to all the new traditions we will start together.  I look forward to the many memories that we will make together.  Christmas is about love and joy and hope, and as we transition from a couple to a family, I know that love and joy and hope will all be abundant for many years to come. 

I love you always,

Brandy Lynne       

10

Dear Kip,

I have never felt more loved or more taken care of than I have felt since I met you.  I have never felt more content, more relaxed, and more secure before now.  I am so thankful for you and every single day I thank God that our paths crossed.  I finally feel like I am receiving love how I give love…easily, honestly, and unconditionally. 

If it sounds like there is going to be a “but”, it is because there is.  But I am a woman, I am a human, and I have some serious insecurities.

Many times over the last four years I have said that it is hard to get my head and my heart on the same page.  I have always been an anxious person, a worrier.  My dad tells me that it is from my “Brenneise blood.”  So even though in my heart I know that worrying is a waste of time and energy, I worry anyway.  My heart loses and worry wins. 

What do I worry about?  Travel for sure.  Bus rides.  You driving back and forth to Mandan all the time.  Jeffrey driving and not paying attention.  Work always.  Am I covering enough standards in science?  How much more should I have the kids write in class?  Are my students getting enough food and love at home?  Relationships.  Am I making enough time to connect with my kids, parents, cousins, friends, brother, students, you?  My health, mental and physical, is an everyday struggle.  I like food, especially sweets, too much.  I need my sleep or I get cranky.  I want to exercise but make excuses.  I worry about us.  You and me.  Will you get tired of me?  Will you start to find me annoying?  When will the house be ready for us to move in?  I am ready to start forever but I worry that I am rushing you.  Money.  I budget daily and so money is an everyday worry.  And the list goes on and on. 

But the reality is that my list is not unique.  How I react to that worry is what can be unique.  I can consciously work to be my best self spiritually, mentally, and physically.  I can do this, not only for myself, but for my kids and for you.  So how is this a love letter?  Well, Kip, you let me talk to you about everything, even the hard things, and you do not judge me.  You listen, give thoughtful advice, and help me to see points of view that I do not always notice. You push me to be the best version of me.  I hope that I am doing so in return.  Is there a better version of love than this? 

Love you always,

Brandy Lynne

9

October 31, 2020

Dear Kip,

Another month has come and gone and I didn't take a picture of us together.  That is crazy to me, but when I look at the month, I also guess it is not surprising.  You were in Mandan October 1-4, I was in quarantine October 3-18, you were in Denver October 14-19, and you were in Mandan October 29-November 1.  That did not leave a lot of time for us.  

But even though that did not leave a lot of time for us, you made time for us.  Thank you for your quick visits while the kids and I were in quarantine.  Thank you for grocery shopping for us during that time (my mom thinks you are a keeper since you asked the kids for a grocery list, not just me!).  Thank you for taking the time to have real conversations with me after work.  Thank you for saving shows for us to watch together (and for watching the Big Bang Theory after watching Evil so I do not have nightmares).  Thank you for your good morning texts and your quick phone calls while you are traveling.  I know that those are just normal things that you do, but they are not my normal so I will tell you thank you over and over and again.  Thank you for being you. 

Love you always,

Brandy Lynne

8

 

September 25, 2020

Dear Kip,

A few nights ago, I was teasing you about spending the night with me. (I thought that I was flirting with you, but I’m not so good at flirting so who knows how it came across?) You got a little defensive and told me that you are pulled in one hundred directions, and you then made sure to emphasize that you always make time for me. 

Kip, I need you to know that I get this, and I appreciate it.  I see you.  You are pulled from work, from family, from the community, and now from me.  I see that you want what is best for everyone around you and that you are willing to do whatever it takes for them to get the best.  I need you to know that I have never felt like you are not available to me.  Sure, I long for you at night when I am staying at home.  Of course, I miss you on the weekends when you are in Mandan, but you make time to send me texts and pictures, letting me know I am on your mind.  These things fill my bucket when we aren’t together. 

In the time you take providing for and giving to everyone else around you, I worry most about you making time for and taking care of yourself.  You haven’t for a while for sure.  Since you finished your Travelall, you have not added another project for yourself that is strictly for you.  (I hope that all the work on your house and shop will bring you joy eventually; I know it will me!)  Your kids are not wrong in trying to persuade you to take a vacation.  You give to everyone else and they know how important it is for you to give to yourself.

I want you to realize that I want to give back to you.  I want to fill your bucket and help this life be the best life for you.  No matter if that is going for a walk, learning to change tires, cleaning up your shop or yard, watching movies, cooking together, making projects, or chasing our kids, I want to do it with you.  I want you to know you can always count on me.

Love you always,

Brandy Lynne