Dear Kip,
I
have never felt more loved or more taken care of than I have felt since I met
you. I have never felt more content,
more relaxed, and more secure before now.
I am so thankful for you and every single day I thank God that our paths
crossed. I finally feel like I am
receiving love how I give love…easily, honestly, and unconditionally.
If
it sounds like there is going to be a “but”, it is because there is. But I am a woman, I am a human, and I have
some serious insecurities.
Many
times over the last four years I have said that it is hard to get my head and
my heart on the same page. I have always
been an anxious person, a worrier. My
dad tells me that it is from my “Brenneise blood.” So even though in my heart I know that worrying
is a waste of time and energy, I worry anyway.
My heart loses and worry wins.
What
do I worry about? Travel for sure. Bus rides.
You driving back and forth to Mandan all the time. Jeffrey driving and not paying
attention. Work always. Am I covering enough standards in
science? How much more should I have the
kids write in class? Are my students
getting enough food and love at home?
Relationships. Am I making enough
time to connect with my kids, parents, cousins, friends, brother, students,
you? My health, mental and physical, is
an everyday struggle. I like food,
especially sweets, too much. I need my
sleep or I get cranky. I want to
exercise but make excuses. I worry about
us. You and me. Will you get tired of me? Will you start to find me annoying? When will the house be ready for us to move
in? I am ready to start forever but I
worry that I am rushing you. Money. I budget daily and so money is an everyday
worry. And the list goes on and on.
But
the reality is that my list is not unique. How I react to that worry is what can be
unique. I can consciously work to be my
best self spiritually, mentally, and physically. I can do this, not only for myself, but for
my kids and for you. So how is this a
love letter? Well, Kip, you let me talk
to you about everything, even the hard things, and you do not judge me. You listen, give thoughtful advice, and help
me to see points of view that I do not always notice. You push me to be the
best version of me. I hope that I am doing so in return. Is there a better version
of love than this?
Love
you always,
